3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
