I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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