pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
