508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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