I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
