I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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