Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
