You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
