he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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