Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
