I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
