You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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