Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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