i think my tv is drunk
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
