sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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