she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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