do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
