Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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