Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
