when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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