Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
