We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
