So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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