would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
