after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
