I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
