i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
