Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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