well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
