so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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