I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drunk is a universal language darling
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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