If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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