I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
