I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
