Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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