i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
