Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
babies were throwing up all over the place
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
