The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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