we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
