last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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