lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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