Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
