You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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