i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
