At least make sure they are 18
Why
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
