Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
