i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
