GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This is my gift to your gina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
