No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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