tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
