dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
