i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
