In the future we'll all be gay
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
