my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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