I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
