I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
