Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
