Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
