If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have post one night stand depression
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