Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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