So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
PANTIES FOUND
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