I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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