I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
