it wasn't lemon gatorade
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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