I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Watching her eat just hurts me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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