He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
