please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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