If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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