If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
