We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
