Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
