She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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