I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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