she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
