we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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