Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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