I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
