guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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