...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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