I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
